No Longer Home

No matter how hard I try, I can’t shake this feeling—I don’t belong in St. Louis.

I’ve tried everything. I’ve looked for the good, tried to build community, pushed myself to stay motivated, but the weight of this place just won’t lift. It’s like the air here is heavier, the energy is different, and no matter how much I pray, push, or pretend, I can’t make myself feel at home in a place that doesn’t fit.

When a Place Holds More Than Just Space

I’ve always believed that environments matter. The people, the energy, the history of a place—it all plays a role in how we feel, think, and move. And here? Here, it feels like I’m stuck in a space that refuses to let me grow.

It’s not just about not liking a city. It’s deeper than that. This place holds something I can’t get past. Maybe it’s the memories, maybe it’s the season of life I’ve been in here, or maybe it’s simply that GOD never meant for me to plant roots in this soil.

Forcing It Won’t Fix It

I’ve tried to force it. I’ve tried to adapt, shift my mindset, and find reasons to stay, but what I’ve learned is this—you can’t force alignment. When a place, a job, a relationship, or a season is no longer meant for you, no amount of effort will make it feel right.

And maybe that’s the lesson. Maybe instead of trying to make this work, I need to listen to what my soul is telling me. Maybe this resistance isn’t a challenge to push through, but a sign that it’s time to let go.

I don’t know what’s next, but I know I can’t keep fighting to stay in a place that my heart has already left. And maybe that’s faith—trusting that when something no longer fits, GOD has something better.

So instead of forcing motivation, I’m surrendering to the truth: this is not my place. And when GOD is ready, He’ll open the door to where I’m meant to be.