90 Seconds
Have you ever had one of those conversations that just goes around in circles, never really getting anywhere? Someone hits you up to talk about how someone else hurt them, and before you know it, y’all are just rehashing the same stuff over and over again. Same complaints, same hurt, same blame, but no real solution. You’re just stuck in that cycle, and it’s draining.
I had one of those calls recently. A friend reached out, venting about someone they were beefing with. But as soon as they started talking, I could tell we were headed down the same old path. It was the same complaints, same accusations, and honestly, I just didn’t have the time to keep going in circles. So, I told them straight up: “I got 90 seconds to hear you out, and then we gotta talk about how to fix this.”
Now, I know that might sound a little harsh, but let me explain why I said it. Sometimes, we get so caught up in the details of how someone’s making us feel, that we forget the goal is to move on and make things better. If you keep talking about the same thing over and over, it’s just going to stay unresolved. You gotta get to the point where you’re ready to make some changes.
The Cycle of Blame
You ever notice how these conversations always turn into a blame game? "He did this," "She said that," "They always make me feel like..." It’s like a broken record. Each person feels like they’re in the right, and they’re just waiting for the other person to admit they messed up. But the truth is, no one’s actually fixing anything. You’re just going back and forth, stuck in the same spot.
When I told my friend I had 90 seconds, it wasn’t to shut them down—it was to set some boundaries and make sure we were focusing on the right thing: finding a solution. The truth is, if you keep talking about your feelings without doing anything to change the situation, you’ll stay stuck in the same emotional loop.
Why 90 Seconds?
Here’s the deal: Giving someone a set amount of time to vent gives them a chance to get their feelings off their chest without dragging it out for hours. It’s like, “Hey, I’m here for you, but we’re not gonna stay stuck in this conversation forever.” After the 90 seconds, it’s time to ask: "So what are we doing about it?" That’s when the real work starts.
Think about it. Sometimes, you just need to get it out and let it go. But if you’re stuck in the cycle of rehashing your feelings over and over again, you’re not moving forward. You’re just spinning your wheels.
Breaking the Cycle
The real issue here is that people aren’t taking responsibility for their part in the problem. It’s always about the other person. “They did this,” “They made me feel that way.” But the more you keep blaming the other person, the less you’re able to see what you can do differently to fix things.
When I had that call, I knew that the real question wasn’t just about what they felt. It was about how they were going to take action to make things better. You can’t keep blaming someone else for your own peace. Sometimes, you gotta put the focus on yourself—how can you change the way you’re reacting? How can you set boundaries with that person or stop letting them trigger you? It’s time to move from complaining to making changes.
Moving Forward, Not Backward
If we’re being real, staying stuck in the blame game is keeping us from healing. It’s keeping us from growing. GOD wants us to move forward, to forgive, and to let go of the things that hold us back. We can’t just stay stuck in the past, holding on to hurt and resentment. The power of healing is in taking action.
So, next time you find yourself stuck in one of these conversations, try setting some boundaries. Give ’em a time limit to vent, and then get to work on solutions. Don’t let the conversation drag on forever. Be about growth, be about healing, and be about moving forward. You can’t keep blaming someone else for your own happiness.
The Word to Move You Forward:
Philippians 3:13-14 (NIV)
"Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."